Ranking Elden Ring Bosses By How Well I Think They Play Chess

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Loretta would totally checkmate you in like, three moves. They both require smart use of resource management, the ability to read your opponent, the understanding of your circumstances and how you can use them to your advantage even when backed into a corner… They’re pretty much the same game when you think about it.

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  1. This is the most I've laughed in a long time. Thank you, some A+ tier entertainment

  2. Radahn honestly seems like he'd be a strong player and a good sport but really dogmatic about using some kind of outdated strategies. And he doesn't do anything overtly rude but he gets very obviously creeped out when he's losing to a strategy he isn't familiar with.
    Malenia is pretty good. Not quite as good as Radahn. She's way too serious though and throws a tantrum if she starts losing.
    Mohg isn't actually a great player but unlike Esgar he actually does pull off the whole "creep you enough enough you make mistakes" thing
    Gideon has spent years carefully researching every single opening, gambit, etc. in the history of the game but he's barely played any actual games himself, doesn't really understand the implications or use cases of any of his knowledge, and completely loses his cool the moment anything he didn't expect happens. He's also a terrible sport; when he loses he claims that you're still going to come last place in the whole tournament and then tries to whack you with his walking stick. What a sad state of affairs.
    Radagon/Marika are both grandmaster players, but they take turns playing their side and their strategies are completely at odds.

  3. Did anyone else notice the stock chess game at 11:34 is the most braindead thing ever? I have a feeling Rusty noticed

  4. Radahn is the kind of player that is very active with his pawns and cheaper units. To the point that it seems he's forgotten his queen exists.

    And then suddely that queen that has not moved the entire game launches forward, putting your king in check, and taking out four or five high value pieces before you finally get rid of his queen. Radahn might not win the match, but by the Erdtree, you're going to remember that play.

  5. Any opponent of Goldmask's would immediately forfeit due to his sheer brilliance

  6. Yooooo, that move at 11:38, definitely some BS blade of miquella sht

  7. Yooooo, that move at 11:38, definitely some BS blade of miquella sht

  8. godfrey playing chess i imagine like, he don't know how to play chess and only do what serosh say like

    serosh: hey move the queen to b3

    godfrey: what is b3

    serosh: to the left

    godfrey: what is left

    serosh: <<<<<

    godfrey: o ok

    later the plan don't work and he decides to play bi itself

    he loses for don't knowing how to play

    or he wins because his moves are inpredictable

  9. The fact that Radahn eats corpses makes me think he might not have the mental capacity to play chess.

  10. I can only imagine that as difficult as Malenia is, Miquela would be even worse. Not just because he's better than Malenia and Morgat, but because he looks like a kid, is super polite, and plays so subtlety that you only realize you've been in check for the last fifteen moves once he politely puts you in checkmate. Even then, you can't find it in you to be mad because he was so polite and genuinely friendly the whole time.

  11. Christ bless you, this is so silly I love it

  12. The in game chess board having radagon as the queen is kinda funny.

  13. Nobody gonna mention that illegal chess move at 11:36? Where the black queen takes the white king who’s on a different diagonal 👀

  14. Now i want him to do the same thing but with Poker instead of Chess

  15. Totally appropriate that the only real chess footage we get is somebody making an illegal move at 11:36

  16. 0:06

    is this some kind of weird threat?
    "you don't want me making the same joke twice!"

  17. Before watching the video, im guessing radhan is an S

  18. 11:34 Anyone else notice they took the king?

    Edit : And that the Bishop went from a black tile to a white tile?

  19. Godfrey would play the game incredibly straight, occasionally tells you what his next move is going to be, but the whole game is so nail-bitingly tense that he can't help but congratulate you when his king runs afoul of a pawn you forgot about and a bishop on the other end of the board.

  20. Godfrey isn't on this list because he doesn't play chess
    Man knows his strengths

  21. considering malenia is blind, she probably would be that great unless she has some insane memory

  22. "Little do we know, he's a grandmaster in disguise"
    Me, who pre-ordered the game and has been playing the game for over a year now: Wait, Margit and Morgott are the same person!? I thought they were brothers or something!

  23. My reaction to this: laughing then ill watch it.

  24. The Fire Giant is an enormous drama queen. Every time one of his pieces is captured he wails and insists on burning it as an offering to his god like it's 700-something BCE (which is a nice parallel because he's wearing about as much clothing as an ancient Greek athlete). This does seem to psych him up and make him play better, but there are about even odds that he gets too hyped and stands up on his chair, and with that bad leg of his that's a one way ticket to Concussion Junction. It never feels good taking a W by default, but at least he stopped howling.


    Edit: Black Queen on black square takes "King????" on white square **DIAGONALLY.**

  26. What the fuck am I watching, and whyyyy by the mercy of the messiah can I not turn it off? This is amazing…… like watching a train crash in slow motion.

  27. I laughed o hard I cried from watching this.

  28. Margit works out for real man, mah gawd!

  29. 10:33 what the fuck was that move?

    Queen diagonal on black to white?


    Some serious bullshit is happening here.

  30. I'd like to think that Rykard(before he was devoured) would be a greedy chess player that tend to take his opponent's pieces whenever he could.
    And then accidentally hangs his queen in the end.

  31. Ok. Of all of the Elden Ring Videos, this one takes the cake.

  32. I remember as an 8 year old my first game of Pokémon cards was a malenia moment, where I fought the state champion at a casual tourney in a card store

  33. I enjoyed this so much more than i thought I would, the funny descriptions and stories work so well with your usual style of insulting and complimenting facets of elden ring in the most interesting ways you can

  34. Hora Loux seems like the type who plays really well, but laughing maniacally throughout

  35. Godfrey would approach rationally and slowly take apart all but the most aggressive and headstrong strategies.

    Hoarah Loux would flip the board, catch it in midair and beat you to death with it

  36. Malenia sits down, hands you a questionably translated rulebook, demands you play Shogi (Sekiro) with her, and tables you because you don't have the right skillset (animation cancel anything into a deflect) for it.

  37. so we just not finna talk about that blatantly illegal atrocious diagonal at 11:40

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